What does low emotional intelligence really look like? Well, people with low EQ can’t deal with stress, and are easily agitated. They blame others for the way they feel, hold grudges because they don’t have the capacity to take responsibility for their feelings, or for the role their actions played in creating those situations.
Posted by5 years ago
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This isn't even about my n dad, it's about my mom. My normal, imperfect but run of the mill mom. No mental health issues, but she did stay married to my n dad for 13 years..
For me, my mom acting childish isn't straight infantile like it is for some of you. She doesn't lash out, there's no petty revenge, it's just very low emotional intelligence.
I tried for over an hour yesterday in an argument to get my mom to understand I was hurt by her without her trying to justify the hurt she caused, without her getting defensive, without her martyring herself, without her going on the attack, without her pointing out other's wrongs, without going into a guilt trip and I failed on 7 accounts. The most i could get out of her is 'you don't think I know life isn't fair? I know it, when i grew up-' it's like, just stop. All I wanted her to do was understand I was in pain, that's it. See a birds broken wing and think 'that bird is in pain. I get it. I would be in pain if I were that bird'. THAT'S IT! NO OTHER END GAME. JUST END IT THERE. I just wanted her to acknowledge it and she didn't, all while she quipped back 'of course I feel and know what empathy is!'
And I'm left here baffled, angry (having a hard time expressing why I'm angry?) And feeling a lot of pity for her. How do you just bumble through life not recognizing cause and effect in relationships? I constantly feel like the parent having to hold her hand through the emotional side of the conversation. Everything in me just screams 'fuck this. I can't sort out my emotions and then hers, then lead her by hand through them both. She's an adult, she should figure it out.' Yet I'm sitting here trying to improve our relationship by having open communication, by trying to connect emotionally and it somehow doesn't work?
So why do I feel so shitty?
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